Wedding Anxiety

What causes "cold feet"? The term "cold feet" originally meant "without means or resources". In Ben Jonson's play "Volpone" in 1605, it literally meant a person who was too poor to buy shoes. Then in Fritz Reuter's novel in 1862, a character backed out of a card game because of "cold feet" and the term evolved. It is now defined as "anxiety and uncertainty about an undertaking to the point of withdrawing". So why the epidemic of pre-wedding jitters? Robert Butterworth, PhD, a Los Angeles trauma psychologist reports, "It is not uncommon for brides to experience anxiety, fear, stress, and even panic as the day draws near." At times, this stress can be so overwhelming that the bride feels trapped and decides to literally "run away." " Les Parrott, co-director of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University offers this explanation, "When someone does something that drastic, stress and the pressure to please is a factor. She is so concerned of not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings, she just doesn't know any other way to cope." Isn't it natural to have concerns? Getting married is one of the biggest decisions most people face in their lives. Of course, there will be a time of reflection and even self-doubt that one is making the right choice. However, Susan Heitler, PhD, a clinical psychologist and family therapist from Denver believes that "jitters, which are basically anxieties, come up because there is something going on that merits attention." What do you do when wedding anxiety strikes? Kate Wachs, PhD, a psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies suggests, "You may want to discuss premarital misgivings with a trusted friend, priest, minister, rabbi, or therapist", but she cautions on discussing it with your fiancé. "If you decide to talk with your partner, make sure he understands your doubts do not necessarily mean you want to call off the wedding." You may be able to calm your fears, or it may be necessary to postpone the wedding for a while. Carol Kleinman MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at George Washington University Medical School, believes that postponing it may be a viable option. "Many times, if it (the wedding) is meant to be, it will go forward anyway, but a little further down the line. If the other person can't tolerate that then maybe it's not meant to be." Anxiety Disorders The five anxiety disorders are identified as: Panic Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Phobias (including Social Phobia, also called Social Anxiety Disorder). Anxiety disorders are categorized as: Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). GAD is characterized by excessive, unrealistic worry that lasts six months or more; in adults, the anxiety may focus on issues such as health, money, or career. In addition to chronic worry, GAD symptoms include trembling, muscular aches, insomnia, abdominal upsets, dizziness, and irritability. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). In OCD, individuals are plagued by persistent, recurring thoughts (obsessions) that reflect exaggerated anxiety or fears; typical obsessions include worry about being contaminated or fears of behaving improperly or acting violently. The obsessions may lead an individual to perform a ritual or routine (compulsions)-such as washing hands, repeating phrases or hoarding-to relieve the anxiety caused by the obsession. Panic Disorder. People with panic disorder suffer severe attacks of panic-which may make them feel like they are having a heart attack or are going crazy-for no apparent reason. Symptoms include heart palpitations, chest pain or discomfort, sweating, trembling, tingling sensations, feeling of choking, fear of dying, fear of losing control, and feelings of unreality. Panic disorder often occurs with agoraphobia, in which people are afraid of having a panic attack in a place from which escape would be difficult, so they avoid these places. Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). PTSD can follow an exposure to a traumatic event such as a sexual or physical assault, witnessing a death, the unexpected death of a loved one, or natural disaster. There are three main symptoms associated with PTSD: "reliving" of the traumatic event (such as flashbacks and nightmares); avoidance behaviors (such as avoiding places related to the trauma) and emotional numbing (detachment from others); and physiological arousal such difficulty sleeping, irritability or poor concentration. Social Anxiety Disorder (Social Phobia). Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) is characterized by extreme anxiety about being judged by others or behaving in a way that might cause embarrassment or ridicule. This intense anxiety may lead to avoidance behavior. Physical symptoms associated with this disorder include heart palpitations, faintness, blushing and profuse sweating. Specific phobias. People with specific phobias suffer from an intense fear reaction to a specific object or situation (such as spiders, dogs, or heights); the level of fear is usually inappropriate to the situation, and is recognized by the sufferer as being irrational. This inordinate fear can lead to the avoidance of common, everyday situations.